God's wonderful gift to me! Part Two (CC)
It has to be you – Testimony
It all began in my heart sometime when I was facing the lowest point in my life.
I had to deal with my dad’s parting from my family; his absence got me to see His love shown from Poy to me.
Every night, Poy was there. Perhaps it was also because he stays near me. but to show that kind of unconditional love, I was touched, be it from just a pure brother’s love to a sister. That is God’s love.
What went deeper was when Poy turned up on the day of cremation, he took half day leave and appeared right there when I needed to see a familiar face. Not from my family members, because they are also at the stage of grieving over the parting. I was very touched at that time, I did not think any further because it was all too much for me to take. I have a lot more in my mind to think about to take any thing close to relationship with him. I knew too, that at the period, I can be emotionally unstable and I would not want to make a decision at that point. it would not have been wise. i wanted God's plan.
I remembered there was a instance at church camp 2005, I almost “fall down” ( mentality) at the lowest time during a praise and worship, I cannot take it all already, then he gave me a nudge, asking me to focus on God, focus on praising and worshipping Him. That was a significant moment.
Then days went passed. I continue to serve God in what God has called, serving together, and during the midst I got to understand Poy much more. I saw his heart for people, I saw his reactions when things are down, went through his low and up times, encouraging him when I saw he needed it, and being encouraged by his heart for God.
Until a point in time, I thought i got too close as a sister to him, and I started to think if I really developed a liking for him. Also at that time, Siew Qin asked me about this area. I remembered it was around September 2005 that I was more certain of my liking for Poy, his heart and his fervor for God’s kingdom.
Then came a year long of waiting and praying. It was a very long and hard-going period for me.
Each time I see him around in CG, with the heart feelings ard sometimes stronger sometimes weaker, I had to restrain myself not to show it out. I had to put myself in the roles which God placed me in, as a leader in his ministry, and yet not to involved my feelings. Indeed through this long period, I get to discover many new things about myself. How I can get jealous, what are the things I am sensitive about, what are the areas I need to grow in, how I deal with disappointments, how I face him despite the feelings etc…
As I prayed, I also get to see his strengths and weaknesses more, from a point view of a sister. I continue to pray about the characteristics I am looking for in a husband, like faithfulness, mission-mindedness.
It was also through his sharing from what he received from 2006 Thai Church Camp about being mission-minded. It came as a surprise to me. I saw his faithfulness growing as he takes care of the sheep and even CG ministry.
Then there was one day (5th May) as I was jogging, and praying about this area. God spoke in a gentle voice: What is it u want? Do u really desire?”
Knowing myself, a person who is always hesitant and it will take me a lot of trust and courage to tell God and asking God for what I really want, especially in this area.
Then I told God: “Yes, if this is it, it has to be him. I pray for it…”
That same day, Poy called and we began to talk and found out that it was mutual liking.
It came very sweet, yet it also dawned upon me that it did not go through the proper channel. As we want to be obedient to it, we told our individual shepherd. And something I learnt here was about the heart of obedience and not religiously following the “book of law”, which can easily hidden as bondage.
We talked over and we continue to pray and seek God’s timing about revealing it, praying through about what we really want to do in this relationship etc.
I was personally praying for God to show me His timing during church camp 2006.
During the 3rd day of camp at the extended worship time, there was a song that we sang “Here I am to worship”. At that moment, I felt God prompting me to humble myself before Him and kneeling down. Yet in my human mind, I was thinking, “but there is no one kneeling down, even the praise and worship team are not doing so, there is not enough space around me to kneel, I would need to make space for myself etc…” I struggled a lot. I resisted God, I did not do so. After that I felt sad that I did not obey Him. I took some time personally and ask for His forgiveness.
God is indeed gracious; He gave me a second chance. He used another opportunity and spoke to me again through Claudia. Before this, I was always praying for God to use someone distant away to speak into my life. She came over at one of the meal times and asked: Are you praying for something?” As we talked, I realized I had used the “book of law” / what people would say etc...” as a barrier in moving forward in this relationship, for the fear of what people might say, and a lot of pride was actually hidden deep down inside me.
Another moment God spoke was until the last Sunday morning at church camp, the same song came again. God ask me to bow before Him, I did. Then in that quiet moment, I saw the vision of impression of King (means God) handing swords to us, as armor bearers, with Poy beside me.( this vision was familiar to me, which i rem God revealed to me some months ago partially). I heard His gentle voice: “Don’t forget about mission”. Pastor Jeff called us to pray for family, his family faces all came to my mind as well, then I realized that I have already embrace them into my life too, that this relationship will become a light for these two families, just like what Pastor Jeff shared about himself and Claudia.
In all, God is patient. Sometimes I have doubts about myself, about things, about people, about leaders, about him etc….all these have caused me to have a deeper conviction that “I am determined not to exchange anything else for His love” and only with God, then can our relationship work for His kingdom. Because without God’s guiding hands, I would not imagine myself liking a person such as Poy, a person so different from me. One of the biggest lesson I learnt through this process is obedience to Him, waiting and praying, He will definitely bless! I pray that this relationship will only make us love God deeper, to become as one serving Him to bring about much effectiveness and fruitfulness than we are before, receiving the fullness of Him in our lives as well as bring the joy and hope to many lives that we can touch as one.
It all began in my heart sometime when I was facing the lowest point in my life.
I had to deal with my dad’s parting from my family; his absence got me to see His love shown from Poy to me.
Every night, Poy was there. Perhaps it was also because he stays near me. but to show that kind of unconditional love, I was touched, be it from just a pure brother’s love to a sister. That is God’s love.
What went deeper was when Poy turned up on the day of cremation, he took half day leave and appeared right there when I needed to see a familiar face. Not from my family members, because they are also at the stage of grieving over the parting. I was very touched at that time, I did not think any further because it was all too much for me to take. I have a lot more in my mind to think about to take any thing close to relationship with him. I knew too, that at the period, I can be emotionally unstable and I would not want to make a decision at that point. it would not have been wise. i wanted God's plan.
I remembered there was a instance at church camp 2005, I almost “fall down” ( mentality) at the lowest time during a praise and worship, I cannot take it all already, then he gave me a nudge, asking me to focus on God, focus on praising and worshipping Him. That was a significant moment.
Then days went passed. I continue to serve God in what God has called, serving together, and during the midst I got to understand Poy much more. I saw his heart for people, I saw his reactions when things are down, went through his low and up times, encouraging him when I saw he needed it, and being encouraged by his heart for God.
Until a point in time, I thought i got too close as a sister to him, and I started to think if I really developed a liking for him. Also at that time, Siew Qin asked me about this area. I remembered it was around September 2005 that I was more certain of my liking for Poy, his heart and his fervor for God’s kingdom.
Then came a year long of waiting and praying. It was a very long and hard-going period for me.
Each time I see him around in CG, with the heart feelings ard sometimes stronger sometimes weaker, I had to restrain myself not to show it out. I had to put myself in the roles which God placed me in, as a leader in his ministry, and yet not to involved my feelings. Indeed through this long period, I get to discover many new things about myself. How I can get jealous, what are the things I am sensitive about, what are the areas I need to grow in, how I deal with disappointments, how I face him despite the feelings etc…
As I prayed, I also get to see his strengths and weaknesses more, from a point view of a sister. I continue to pray about the characteristics I am looking for in a husband, like faithfulness, mission-mindedness.
It was also through his sharing from what he received from 2006 Thai Church Camp about being mission-minded. It came as a surprise to me. I saw his faithfulness growing as he takes care of the sheep and even CG ministry.
Then there was one day (5th May) as I was jogging, and praying about this area. God spoke in a gentle voice: What is it u want? Do u really desire?”
Knowing myself, a person who is always hesitant and it will take me a lot of trust and courage to tell God and asking God for what I really want, especially in this area.
Then I told God: “Yes, if this is it, it has to be him. I pray for it…”
That same day, Poy called and we began to talk and found out that it was mutual liking.
It came very sweet, yet it also dawned upon me that it did not go through the proper channel. As we want to be obedient to it, we told our individual shepherd. And something I learnt here was about the heart of obedience and not religiously following the “book of law”, which can easily hidden as bondage.
We talked over and we continue to pray and seek God’s timing about revealing it, praying through about what we really want to do in this relationship etc.
I was personally praying for God to show me His timing during church camp 2006.
During the 3rd day of camp at the extended worship time, there was a song that we sang “Here I am to worship”. At that moment, I felt God prompting me to humble myself before Him and kneeling down. Yet in my human mind, I was thinking, “but there is no one kneeling down, even the praise and worship team are not doing so, there is not enough space around me to kneel, I would need to make space for myself etc…” I struggled a lot. I resisted God, I did not do so. After that I felt sad that I did not obey Him. I took some time personally and ask for His forgiveness.
God is indeed gracious; He gave me a second chance. He used another opportunity and spoke to me again through Claudia. Before this, I was always praying for God to use someone distant away to speak into my life. She came over at one of the meal times and asked: Are you praying for something?” As we talked, I realized I had used the “book of law” / what people would say etc...” as a barrier in moving forward in this relationship, for the fear of what people might say, and a lot of pride was actually hidden deep down inside me.
Another moment God spoke was until the last Sunday morning at church camp, the same song came again. God ask me to bow before Him, I did. Then in that quiet moment, I saw the vision of impression of King (means God) handing swords to us, as armor bearers, with Poy beside me.( this vision was familiar to me, which i rem God revealed to me some months ago partially). I heard His gentle voice: “Don’t forget about mission”. Pastor Jeff called us to pray for family, his family faces all came to my mind as well, then I realized that I have already embrace them into my life too, that this relationship will become a light for these two families, just like what Pastor Jeff shared about himself and Claudia.
In all, God is patient. Sometimes I have doubts about myself, about things, about people, about leaders, about him etc….all these have caused me to have a deeper conviction that “I am determined not to exchange anything else for His love” and only with God, then can our relationship work for His kingdom. Because without God’s guiding hands, I would not imagine myself liking a person such as Poy, a person so different from me. One of the biggest lesson I learnt through this process is obedience to Him, waiting and praying, He will definitely bless! I pray that this relationship will only make us love God deeper, to become as one serving Him to bring about much effectiveness and fruitfulness than we are before, receiving the fullness of Him in our lives as well as bring the joy and hope to many lives that we can touch as one.
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