Yours, not mine

21st Jul
My 4th visit to Alexandra Hospital.
my aunt still there.
remember before i left home, was told to "leave these affairs" aside, not to bother so much for it would now be others' resonsibilities.
Yet i know Your timing.
that i am still free to do such "errands" for my aunt, to settle all the admission and etc.
And did it for my dad, for i know he would want my aunt to be well taken care of.

But what amazes me is even as she portrays to be so called " intellectually disabled", she had own special way of expressing herself.
sneaked "her" out of the ward to bring her out for a walk.
ops, the nurse spoted us, she quickly hide away from me, leaving me with the responsibility. hm.
went to cheers, she "demanded" lots of food stuff....well, she sure knows her "ability" now to ask for things....

remember the 2nd visit at hospital, when she's given drips etc...tried using drawings and hand signals to share with her about God's love for her....
signalled her about God, and prayer...
she shaked her head. Was it she knows and she does not want to believe? or she does not understand at all?
God, u know her, let her experience Your love. in Your way which i still do not know how.
How blessed are those who can hear about Your love....

Went to a brother-in-Christ's wake.
do not know him, only hear about him.
it reminds me of my dad.
reminds me of the support of the fellow church and friends.
remembered 20th Jul was the ritual thingy that family went through for my dad.
Lord, deep within, i had to struggle through the pressures of my aunts who are around.
the monk who even openly opposed to my firm stand.
yet i remembered You are my strong tower, the support of my life.
Thank You, for the strength i had to go through it.

Lord, death is what Jesus Himself came for
to Give the new life.
yes, though the thought of hope that the dead are with You.
its always this time on earth
when the reality of the existence of the person is no longer there
greatly missed.
Lord, let the time be gone fast enough that we will not miss Your touch and comfort.
how long will it be?
yet to this, i give thanks.

22nd Jul ( Fri)
Morning went to Punngol Pri school
met up with Mdm Chung, Jingyi, annie
went for observation classes.
wow, its "crazy"
not at all what i expected it to be.
a lot of surprises
and a lot of deep thoughts evolved.

what are the children thinking now?
how do they feel?
this class where they just lost a classmate.
they learnt about the death of their friend
what could go through their mind?
did it affected them in any way?
now they seemed to change their behavior, accordingly to the teacher.
Lord, use me.
i do not know how, but You will lead.
for i will cling on to the words You gave before this
that its in Your plan
so, learn, humble, hopeful and be firm!

what a challenging year ahead!
yet i give thanks.

Yet i give thanks.
Lord, keep my heart pure and single-hearted in serving You.
Entangling thoughts at heart, and i know i had to go through
Let it be
so that i can grow
Yours ( ways), not mine.