Thanksgiving, Receiving joy from Him.

Saturday: Youth Svc.
learnt about using "worst case scenarios" appraoch when faced with difficult situations.

Faith is not denying reality, but is trusting God more than reality.
because Jesus DID not say, " Pretend that this mountain is not here..."
BUt in Matthew 17:20 - Jesus said "say to this mountain, and it will move"

The source of faith ( object) is MORE important than the amount of faith ( size ).
1) i can have a lot of faith in something, but the object of faith may not be "true".
this will not work.
Throwing a bottle of water in the air n expecting it with great faith that it will stay in the air.
2) i can have little faith in soemthing, but the object of faith is true.
this will work.
Jumping down a height of 5cm with little faith.

Sunday Family Day
had a lot of fun fellowship with XD and joe, buying the cartons of drinks at sheng shiong market. marketing and cooking the tons of barley at my house.
it rained, i prayed, God made it beautiful.
at the end of day, we made a 100% receiavbles so that we can bless the students! Praise God!
i enjoyed the unity of fellowship in our unit.

Monday
a laptop bag from poy. blessed because it made my study at NIE more conveniently. dun need to wait for queue at computer labs.

Tuesday
Meet sandy's mum and serene. a long time since i chatted with her, a very good time of catching up. Thankful to God for this opportune time.

Wednesday
a short day at NIE. stayed to do our presentation on thurs, voliunteered to do the presentation slides. had a good time knowing my classmtes better.
a classmate who has been sharing a lot of her life experiences as a mother etc...shared to me after discussion: (paraphrased) i see you look so young, but can see you have a stand in what you think, and able to give your comments in a clear and systematic way...
i am encouraged to hear this, for these words showed me God's transforming power working in me through the years with His patience, and His grace to hold me obedient to Him.
hee, of course, another "good" thing is also she said i look YOUNG! whaaa...

glad the laptop i brought to school not only helped my group, and it also blessed another group, as i stayed with them in school for them to do some of their work. little things like these lightened the day with His joy, i give thanks.

Thursday
like rachel shared the story at CG, i give thanks that there is no other day like thurs.
first day we had a FULL long thurs at school. 93oam-730pm.
it was a "gong gong" start ( i mean "gong gong" to Boon Lay by MRT), then sit in class, play a word games with our teacher, out to another class, across the other end.
sit in class, 1 hr later, off to another. then rush to another class, 1 hr later, pack up quickly and go to another....and again... and again....
hurry can make my day the inability to love.
i give thanks, as i was preparing the discussion for CG, God foreknew and had me more aware and prepared.
a reminder to my heart through the Holy Spirit.
when i hear "complaints", "other not-so-good words...etc...i stop my heart not to "feel" the same, i let my heart be patient, slowing down for moments i can have with Father.
i need Your strength, perseverance, and joy!
phew! a packed day. mt rach and intially thought at such weird hours and ulu place, we would need take bus out first and then take cab to FF.but, God watches over us, immediately we came down the stairs at the bus stop, a taxi stopped over right there!!! God so so good!
hopped onto it after the passenger came out, then a friend who was at bus stop with us, we offered her a ride. for this little kind deed we can give to her, i give thanks. because there are no other day like this.

CG the hightlight of the day!!!!! really.
of course, it is almost every week we meet once a week, but there is no other day like this thurs CG! :)
the presence of sandy made a difference. thankful for the short conversation we had at CG, though it seems "normal daily conversation" but its all abt care and love through His strength.
had a "do what u want" seesion. we are all given some time to do what we want. no Hurry.
that moment, my brain ( very small one..:P) was trying to "compartmentalise" my studies notes and the discussion notes...etc....haha...concerned i may end up sharing my chinses lessons...brain juices was "squeezed" le....but for being able to still have that fruitful discussion, i give thanks.

Hurry people dun have time. Love takes time. Hurry makes us unable to receive love from Father and to give love to others.
Jesus was busy but nvr hurried. we cant walk faster than the One we are following.
Jesus, help us to lead a unhurreid life.

i give thanks for CG time, for through the discussion time, did not realise many things from CG people.
many had 5mins lunch thingy because of hurry....etc....:P
Lord, help us to have unhurried lunch, for that is also moment with You.

Friday
i give "extra extra" thanks today! whaaaa...a free day for me.
i give thanks that i can finally have some time to slow down,
the time to read and catch up with my tons of notes, in madarin le...:(
the time to spend at home with mum,
the time to finally hear the sunday's sermon CD,
the time to ldownload my lecture notes,
the time to have unhurried QT,
the time to blog thanksgivng,
the time i can meet siew qin for shepherding later,
the time to meet up with him too.
there is a time for everything.
there is a time for urgent thing, a time for important thing.

Lord, i want to enter TODAY with thanksgiving, with a hope for tmrw, reciving JOY in each day.
amen!

Life Purpose Statement

National Day
at Yi Cheng's place
as usual fellowship as a CG.
it was a "laze" ard atmosphere,
many of them had a long and busy week.
but i am very encouraged to see them committing to the CG fellowship
despite its a holiday where they could have been somewhere esle
Lord, let Your presence draw them closer to this feloowship
Lord, thank You for all their committed hearts.

even the new believer's lives, i guess it may have taken them a lot to be committed.
but Lord, You have won their hearts.
i pray they will recieve more.
even xiaodi, who's out in deployment, i can sense his desire for You.
it was very encouraging to recd a prayer sms from him
praying for me to deliver a message to CG in YOur way
wow! an intercessor! yeah, Xiaodi, way to go ya!

Jason, despite his busy schedule at work over the days,
he mt dennis for follow up and then to CG.
wow, what a desire to know His word.

Joe, having to work shifts at work
came still and his hard work put in
for the community work on coming sunday
wow, what a kind heart, just like Jesus

Chiou pyng, the "little" brother in CG
though he did not come for CG
yet i recd a prayer sms from him on tt day
it was so encouraging.
i pray he will draw nearer to You

Rachel, the lady of the day!
when we came together to pray for her on her brithday
i sense the power of God over her
to rise above situations, emotions, tight schedules etc...
God will grant power and strength,
only to follow His ways and not to give up
Sis, am indeed encouraged to see your willingness to still "let go and let God"

yup, being someone to lead, very diffcult for me.
i rather sit at the back and support lo.
but God has called me
many times i dont understand
a "little" small, blur, not knowledgable etc.. person like me,
a leader?! but i trust Him
He said, it will be
i rem a vision He gave to me on Sunday
" i was at the peak of a mountain, looking up to heavens...from the peak, many ropes were drawn downslope. there are many who are at different stage of their climb up the mountain. i saw one having a lot of difficult, and i had so much desire to do right down and be with th eperson, and letting go of the rest...yet, voice said: if u are to go down now, what abt the rest? they would not know where to go...u have to stay there, right there at the peak, so that to lead many, still and know I AM. "
"ok, Lord. i trust You. i let go of my personal feelings and desires, i let You."

Do not become weary in doing good, for at a proper time, He will bring a harvest.
amen!

At CG:
5 C's of life:
1) What will be the center of my life?
2) what will be the character of my life? (discipleship)
3) what will be the contribution of my life? (Service)
4) what will be the communication of my life? (Mission)
5) what will be the community of my life? (fellowship)

what is important is not God to make our plans work, but we avail ourselves to His plans.

amen!

Lord, do a deeper work in this CG, dug into our life purposes, lead us into Your way. even as we go through this coming 2-3 weeks of changes and happenings, help us to be prepare to contd to be a light shining brightly as Jesus do. that all of us will not be light blubs that are already burst, nor ones that are flickering, nor ones that are dim, but we pray that Jesus will shine on us and through us! amen!

just one pic-Poy and me.Courage!

Father i thank You for bringing us together. Even before we came to know each other, You are watching over us, and moulding us, guiding every of our steps to bring us this wonderful blessing. You prepare poy and me individually in our lives, and by Your grace, we had waited upon You to experience this together with You. Praise You! i pray even as many as those who come across this entry of my journal, You will bless their hearts. i pray for them that these testimonies of poy and myself will serve an encouragement to them, that You are God who really cares and will guide them in bringing Your Best plan for them, and bringing the partner You have planned for them,as they patiently wait upon You and obey You. i pray even as the days go by, poy and myself will contd to grow in our walk with You, serving You with greater capacity as one as You joined our hearts together now to love You even more deeply. i pray for Your protection over us that we can be living testimonies for many who may face similar situations as us at one point or another. Father, let all glory and honor be Yours. Jesus, help us to obey You more and more, and to be powerful armor bearers to bring Your love to many people around us. In Mighty Name of Jesus, amen!!

dear all who see this pic, it is by God's courage that was put into my heart to post this. being my very nature self, i would not have put this pic. i do this for poy and for you all, praying and hoping you all be blessed throogh it. hee.:P

a changed me after God's patient moulding.

many changes to come too... :)

God's wonderful gift to me! Part Two (CC)

It has to be you – Testimony

It all began in my heart sometime when I was facing the lowest point in my life.
I had to deal with my dad’s parting from my family; his absence got me to see His love shown from Poy to me.

Every night, Poy was there. Perhaps it was also because he stays near me. but to show that kind of unconditional love, I was touched, be it from just a pure brother’s love to a sister. That is God’s love.

What went deeper was when Poy turned up on the day of cremation, he took half day leave and appeared right there when I needed to see a familiar face. Not from my family members, because they are also at the stage of grieving over the parting. I was very touched at that time, I did not think any further because it was all too much for me to take. I have a lot more in my mind to think about to take any thing close to relationship with him. I knew too, that at the period, I can be emotionally unstable and I would not want to make a decision at that point. it would not have been wise. i wanted God's plan.

I remembered there was a instance at church camp 2005, I almost “fall down” ( mentality) at the lowest time during a praise and worship, I cannot take it all already, then he gave me a nudge, asking me to focus on God, focus on praising and worshipping Him. That was a significant moment.

Then days went passed. I continue to serve God in what God has called, serving together, and during the midst I got to understand Poy much more. I saw his heart for people, I saw his reactions when things are down, went through his low and up times, encouraging him when I saw he needed it, and being encouraged by his heart for God.

Until a point in time, I thought i got too close as a sister to him, and I started to think if I really developed a liking for him. Also at that time, Siew Qin asked me about this area. I remembered it was around September 2005 that I was more certain of my liking for Poy, his heart and his fervor for God’s kingdom.

Then came a year long of waiting and praying. It was a very long and hard-going period for me.

Each time I see him around in CG, with the heart feelings ard sometimes stronger sometimes weaker, I had to restrain myself not to show it out. I had to put myself in the roles which God placed me in, as a leader in his ministry, and yet not to involved my feelings. Indeed through this long period, I get to discover many new things about myself. How I can get jealous, what are the things I am sensitive about, what are the areas I need to grow in, how I deal with disappointments, how I face him despite the feelings etc…
As I prayed, I also get to see his strengths and weaknesses more, from a point view of a sister. I continue to pray about the characteristics I am looking for in a husband, like faithfulness, mission-mindedness.

It was also through his sharing from what he received from 2006 Thai Church Camp about being mission-minded. It came as a surprise to me. I saw his faithfulness growing as he takes care of the sheep and even CG ministry.

Then there was one day (5th May) as I was jogging, and praying about this area. God spoke in a gentle voice: What is it u want? Do u really desire?”

Knowing myself, a person who is always hesitant and it will take me a lot of trust and courage to tell God and asking God for what I really want, especially in this area.
Then I told God: “Yes, if this is it, it has to be him. I pray for it…”

That same day, Poy called and we began to talk and found out that it was mutual liking.
It came very sweet, yet it also dawned upon me that it did not go through the proper channel. As we want to be obedient to it, we told our individual shepherd. And something I learnt here was about the heart of obedience and not religiously following the “book of law”, which can easily hidden as bondage.

We talked over and we continue to pray and seek God’s timing about revealing it, praying through about what we really want to do in this relationship etc.

I was personally praying for God to show me His timing during church camp 2006.

During the 3rd day of camp at the extended worship time, there was a song that we sang “Here I am to worship”. At that moment, I felt God prompting me to humble myself before Him and kneeling down. Yet in my human mind, I was thinking, “but there is no one kneeling down, even the praise and worship team are not doing so, there is not enough space around me to kneel, I would need to make space for myself etc…” I struggled a lot. I resisted God, I did not do so. After that I felt sad that I did not obey Him. I took some time personally and ask for His forgiveness.

God is indeed gracious; He gave me a second chance. He used another opportunity and spoke to me again through Claudia. Before this, I was always praying for God to use someone distant away to speak into my life. She came over at one of the meal times and asked: Are you praying for something?” As we talked, I realized I had used the “book of law” / what people would say etc...” as a barrier in moving forward in this relationship, for the fear of what people might say, and a lot of pride was actually hidden deep down inside me.

Another moment God spoke was until the last Sunday morning at church camp, the same song came again. God ask me to bow before Him, I did. Then in that quiet moment, I saw the vision of impression of King (means God) handing swords to us, as armor bearers, with Poy beside me.( this vision was familiar to me, which i rem God revealed to me some months ago partially). I heard His gentle voice: “Don’t forget about mission”. Pastor Jeff called us to pray for family, his family faces all came to my mind as well, then I realized that I have already embrace them into my life too, that this relationship will become a light for these two families, just like what Pastor Jeff shared about himself and Claudia.

In all, God is patient. Sometimes I have doubts about myself, about things, about people, about leaders, about him etc….all these have caused me to have a deeper conviction that “I am determined not to exchange anything else for His love” and only with God, then can our relationship work for His kingdom. Because without God’s guiding hands, I would not imagine myself liking a person such as Poy, a person so different from me. One of the biggest lesson I learnt through this process is obedience to Him, waiting and praying, He will definitely bless! I pray that this relationship will only make us love God deeper, to become as one serving Him to bring about much effectiveness and fruitfulness than we are before, receiving the fullness of Him in our lives as well as bring the joy and hope to many lives that we can touch as one.

God's wonderful gift to me! Part One (Poy)

Fulfilling the vision- Poy's Testimony

Key Events leading to 06.05.2006

December, 2004
God show me a vision, a vision beyond my understanding and imagination. In this vision, I remembered vividly that I was piggy-backing her. And she was in a wedding gown. Leaning forward, she said three words” I love you”. It is the strangest dream I have to date. I asked myself how is this possible, we are different in so many ways. As I cannot make anything of this vision, decided not to make too much of it.

6th February 2005
That Thing Called Love – Love of a Lifetime (Part 02 of 3 part series about Love) That Sunday, Pastor Dinah mentioned something that really spoke to my heart about my future spouse. It is the heart attitude that matters the most, not how she looks like on the exterior. God gave 3 words. Quiet gentle spirit. 1 Peter 3:3-4” Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.” I can only think of one person, can it be her? I began to take notice of her.

25th September 2005
In my journal I wrote” Dear God, I have been thinking about her for the past few weeks, Why? I cant say… I like her? Maybe… Even if I like her, I need to know its in Your plan for us to be together as I do not wish to disobey You. I hope You can tell me if she is for me & tell her if I am for her. If it is in His plan, everything will workout, so do not worry.

21st April 2006
On the plane to Bangkok for Thai Church Camp, I asked God to reveal to me His intention about my relationship with her. And God was quick to speak on this issue. While taking the flight from Bangkok to Khon Kaen, Siew Yee told me about her story with Teck Keong. It really encourages me to know that while serving together, they receive confirmation about each other. God gives His assurance that as I continue to serve and focus on Him, it will come.

5th May 2006
We went for teh tarik with Wilson, Rachel & cc. Came home around 2 plus & sms her that she looks very refreshed after a day of rest on Friday. I called her to correct her on her cantonese sms. I did not intend to talk long but we started to chat more. As usual, we chat about the events that happen to cg in the past week, the events that are coming etc. The change of topic came when I started to teach her Cantonese. Then the tots of telling her about the vision came suddenly. I felt the comfort of saying it in Cantonese as it is somehow a good protective medium to bring this message across.

After sharing the dream, I just continued to tell her how I feel and what I think of her and how I have been dealing with this affection. Amazingly, she too shared her side of the story willingly to me. Everything seems to fall into place, all the events that transpired between the both of us during the past 1 and half years seems to affirm us that what we have been praying for is exactly in God’s plan. It is an awesome feeling!!! PTL!!!

We decided we have to account to our shepherd as soon as possible and seek their advice. It is quite a difficult task to do as we have ‘broken’ the protocol. Strange as it may seem, I have this residing peace assuring me that it is alright. Yes I have planned to do it at the end of the year but perhaps His intention was now, rather than later. So I pray to God for some answers…

6th May 2006 (16:53:51) – sms
Prayer to her: Father I pray You can bring peace to us with the assurance that You wanted us to go thru this phase to experience more of You. Help us to build strong & biblical relationship during this stage so that we, as one, can be better vessel for Your will. In His loving name of Christ I pray for cc and myself. Amen.

7th May 2006
During the pre-service prayer He spoke again. Hebrews 13:17-18” Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. Pray for us. We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way. I believe He wanted to show me the attitude I need for my shepherd & those who guide us.

8TH – 11TH June 2006
After meeting up with CC, SQ & GR twice, I asked God to speak to me during the Camp so as to give us confirmation on this relationship. It was on the third day during the extended worship time the song ‘Here I am to worship’ came about that God spoke again. I can only hear Him say,” Poy, I will speak to her now.” I excitedly went over to her during the break and ask her about it. I was so sure that He spoke but to my disappointment CC said nothing had happened. “How can it be wrong???” I asked myself. (please refer to cc’s testimony)

towards AHM

Prayers -run
out of thinking box
insist on own view except...
then what was needed came
clear for prayers.
ONLY for that purpose.

resting and busy time
what now
6km...no, its 10km
what?!
ok, it is only a challenge.

fri 830am, out for a long run
after a long rest
usual to punngol park,
first 3 rounds.
well, not too bad.
dragged the 4th round.
then walk for 5th round.
aimed only 6running rds at first.
but because of that walking round,
set to go for another 3 running rounds...
one by one.
mental and physical tiredness.
its from a young gal who had not been running
for some time now.

saw a "older uncle" in front.
come on, catch up with the pace of him.
tt's a motivation.
where did he go?
Contd on with the final 3rd round.
Finally.
its only the first time
a whole 7km running plus 1km walking.
at Punngol Park
a place i had fond memories.
many more will come.
indeed.

Thank You, Father.
my Jesus,
Holy Spirit who had been with me.
always.

love, child