V.S.B.I.B

very short blog but impt blog

missed him
was reminded of him twice this week
first on mon, suddenly during the class still going on for hope sem
his face flashed vividly in my mind

then today as i was travelling mrt from airport to meet SQ for shepherding at city hall
( peiyu went to Uk with her husband today, sent her off at the airport. gonna miss this very jovial friend, come to think of it, got to know her through Jason...abt more than 1 year ago.)
i recalled the times i talked with him abt YOU, God
his face, his smiles, his sadness about his illness, his worries pouring out

now i rem,
today a kid in one of my class suddenly asked me: do i have a mother? yes i reply.
so i was thinking maybe she didnt have a mother, tt's why she asked me tt qtn,
so i asked her do u have a mother, and father...?
tt was when i told them i didnt have a father now.

the change caused me to love him more.
i used to hate him when i was younger about things i dun understand
but God taught me about true Love-Jesus' love for me
and got me learning about loving him
and kept learning about loving him until when i can only miss him now.
What amazing Love.

sup to be short, so tt's all i have to say.
Love your family while they can still see and be touched by your acts of love.

Oldie Christian Song

Song at Praise and worship Nite ( 190805)

Stand up for Jesus
George Duffield Jr. & George J. Webb 1858 Public Domain

Stand up, stand up for Jesus
Ye soldiers of the cross
Life high His royal banner
It must not suffer loss
From victory unto victory
His army shall He lead
Till every foe is vanquished
And Christ is Lord indeed

Stnad up, stand up for Jesus
The trumpet call obey
Forth to the mighty conflict
in this His glorious day.
Ye that are brave now serve Him
Against unnumbered foes
Let courage rise with danger
And strength to strength oppose

Stand up, Stand up for Jesus
Stand in His strength alone
the arm of flesh will fail you
Ye dare not trust your own
Put on the Gospel armor
Each piece put on with prayer
Where duty calls or danger
Be never wanting there

Standup, stand up for Jesus
The strife will not be long
This day the noise of battle
the next the victor's song
to those who vanquish evil
a crown of life shall be
They with the King of Glory
shall reign eternally

- end -

at the PnW nite, not many came.
even tho the people are not many, yet Holy Spirit nevertheless filled us much and strengthen us in our hearts and spirit.
the the start we sang a malay song, what a interesting way to worship God.
Worship is not bounded by human language.
Let our words in church, outside church, at home, at work, in interactions with friends, with fellow sis/bro, in formal or casual times be ever pleasing unto Him.
Coz You are always near us, and how can we forget that the grace You have given unto us.
God, i pray and hope at times, we had been careless about the words we spoke to people about You, or we use words that are not edifying to people, God, forgive us! By Your loving grace.
Teach us to be holy people for we are still W-I-P ( work in progress)
When we meet You, can we stand before You to meet and "hug" You
to say that we had run the race, fight the good fight, and keep the faith!

All the more, God be even stricter with me as a under leader of Your flock.
that as they see Jesus in my life, it will point them to the Light Jesus really is!

Thank YOu for been there, here now and promised to be there until i reach there.
:)
You are still the BEST! ever.

Jia wei's Birthday! and Unit CG!

just came back from Boon Keng
today we had CG.
been long time since we laugh at each other.....a family that so crazy la! :P

First the election of Preidential Care Leader.
( Dennis, Kim, Rachel, Henry)
i liked the part about the "message from God"
hm...imagine i got one like tt, wow! what would God be writing on that note to me? hehe.. :)
* Church leaders are not appointed by men but God
*Authority is given as a blessing

Second the drawing by Debbie.
Sandy, Yi Cheng, Lawrence
( i see a hill, then a flat, then a rocket.....finally it's a lighthouse!)
the illustration of salt and light of the world.
*The church is a salt and light to the nation
*The church is a place of security

Third the the family scenario of parents and two childlike kids.
( Yuk Kuan, Lee, RuiZhi, Poy)
the mopping kid-Ruizhi
the spendthrift, going after new models hp kid-Poy
disciplinary parents-lee and yuk Kuan
*Every Christian should serve God fully
*Every Christian must follow God's will

Fourth, yeah ours.
tho we didnt win, but we had so much fun in discussing! what a laughter we had!
( Jingyu, Li Siong, Shi ming, CC)
somehow the flash came to my mind.
it was a touching story that i remembered until now. i remembered the first time i recd thru email ( which is long time ago), it spoke to me about carrying on, despite difficulties, tt time i almost let my feet slip and give up. i rem the flash story got me tearing because i was touched by its illustration of God's love for me.

God called the boy to carry the cross.
the boy went through storms- wind, rain, thunder, heat
the time to take up the cross is indeed tough going but God promised:and surely, I AM with you till the very end of age.
the boy persevered on and went on sharing the love of Christ to others.
*Every Christian must obey the Great Commission
*Every Christian is responsible to bring God's love to each nation

*- are some our philosophy of ministry

its time again to look into our spiritual family's values.
are those our values we hold in our heart?

God stay close with us, that we will stay close to You
Knitted closely as a family
You as the head of this CG, of this family
Jesus- You too will bring those who are out of this sheepfold
Longing to celebrate the day of all who come into this family! :)

... ...

Went to Boon Keng to give our brother, Jia wei a surprise!
to sing a birthday song for him,
to have a simple time of celebration with him
to laugh at each other
to pray for him
to bless his heart
to have a nite worth remembering
Because i saw love in this family
Kim, Rachel, poy, pei key, dennis, shi ming
who made their way to boon keng just to say: JW, Happy Belated Birthday!

... ...

all of us are like trees.
we need to take root.
the land - church is the place we take root.
Make a choice and decide.
then take root.
only then the tree can grow even more.

God let all of us like the eco system in the forest.
that we are all trees of different "sizes" some tall, some short, some are fruit trees, some are plants etc....
but in the same environment we are in,
we co-dependent on each other.
Let us be a family where we support one another.
the trees with wider canopy will help shelter the shorter trees...
the vines will cling onto the thick trunks.....
God, You will be the sun, ever there to give us Light and warmth.
to breath into us that we can get our nutrients.....
Without You, we will not be evergreen!

He's such a sweetheart! (smilez)

ok..here will go again for a long blog ya...

hvnt been here for long time...
but i have been going to urs...( those whom u know i will go to your blogs...Happy bee, erikoler, draco_malfro...etc)
heh, Neoh, what's your blog?didnt know u also read my blog ya? :)

Reasons why i dun blog as frequent now,
busy lor!:P ( hai, "good" excuses.....)
using most time to think about kids in my classes.
now even their faces will surface after each day's class.
some i really feel for them.
their struggling faces for mother tongue.
haiz....what to do with them? i ask them qtn in mandarin, and they can answer me in english?!
aiyo, think need so much more time for them....wonder if they also ever concern about it? hm....

it has been blessed in a way for me....
ever since i started this contract teaching, i havnt had a full week of teaching yet.
there's always something going on in the week that i can have some sort of rest for my throat.

besides the crazy 4days MC, was followed by the gd 2 dys National day holiday.
then this week, for today and tmrw are PSLE oral so no classes.
ok, before u are already thinking : wah, so good so many holidays..."
teachers are still back to schools for duty.

hm...then teachers' day is coming, then children's day.....more holidays.
BUT also means more rushing work for me.
already way behind time schedule for the P4 syllabus....oh no! so part of my stress at sch comes from having too many holidays lor! :P haha.

pretty much a battle ground for me at sch.
coz i am a new solider, still trying out my "weapons" and getting used to the grounds.
but the experienced "soliders" are pretty much helpful and approachable. But they are also busy leh.....

its a training ground.
a discovery ground for my true character moulding.
over this week, so much things can just come at all directions at one time.
be it family issues which got me almost flare up ( or rather i had negative attitude- why the same qtns has to be raised up again and again, when it was earlier explained already?), the every morning tension before going school esp the p5 class ( its puzzling that over the days as i start work, my biological clock has to somehow wake me up at ard 2-3am, then to fall asleep again before getting up again at 530am- ok, when u read this, dun ask me why, its my body reactions. i want to sleep one, hey, its piggy here! but somwhow i can just wake up lor. m praying for myself too to Zzz well...., so PRAY for me ya!) :) tks!
and of course, the people in cg-all whom they have such a place in my heart that it kinda of stir within me if i know they have stg happening in their personal life too. of course, i dun carry these burdens la, so heavy, so i knew the best way is to bring to the Lord at His feet, then He will show and lead in me and in them!
the challenge is when all comes at the same time, the Lord's strength is all i seek!
Praises to Him is where i can find my source of hope and tower fo refuge.

okok...back to what i really want to say here. opps....the chong hei ness is always "bugging" me ya!

He's such a sweet heart.
guess what he did to me.
one of these past days, i knew i had to get myself back in shape by exercising not to slim down but to get a more healthier body so that i can serve better.
so as i look at my weekly schedule, the thought of giving up my guitar lessons on sat morning would be a pretty much the best option so far...hm.
then the next day, a fellow colleague told me that i am allocated to basketball as my CCA.
and it'll be killing two birds with one stone. to have CCA and exercising. Wah!
went on wed for the first session, it's great time talking to the kids. They are so CUTE! and talk so much! haha.

then, was having shepherding with Siew Qin, and telling her how much i wan to have more time with Him daily. the need to be spirit controlled in each new day....everytime i had to squezzed time in the morning to quieten my heart and mind...
today. i met a new teacher. was on the same duty for the PSLE oralexam, and she gave me a daily bread booklet. Wow! i am so thankful! He really knows. God-divine timing- people called"coincidental" i havnt owned a daily bread booklet for so long and she even offered to give me a chinese version one, but i know myself, so i told her a english one will do. haha.

who else would have know me better?
on earth, would anyone else know a person's mind and heart to such delicate touch and depth?
He's such a sweetheart!
Jesus, the lover of my soul!

celebration at my place!

9th aug 2005

What a good day to wake up with.
no school...no work, no "noisy" kids....haha.
... ...
8th Aug
but the kids are really sweet..when i was back on Mon, even though it was a celebration, no classes on tt day, some of them walked past me and saw me, they would greet me, "dai4 lao3 shi1..." made a silly mistake...saw one students, went up to her and started asking her what the relief teacher do during my absence, asking her the topics she taught etc...saw the confused little girl...then only i realised i was telling her about Pri 4 syllabus, when she's from my Pri 5 class! oh no...so embarrassing when she pointed tt to me....haha! :P ops!
had a chinese dept lunch. So thankful to have this lunch, at least finally get to see all the teachers since we are always running around in sch, nvr really got to know them.
glad to have much personal talks with two other new teachers like me, Yvonne and huang Lao Shi.
huang lao shi is a young chap, always talked with confidence in teaching and experience, but he's only 21! so much to learn from this "xiao di" ( hee)! And indeed he helped me a lot in knowing more about the sch, the unsaid things happening around sch etc...o, got to discover, i was pretty "well-known" in sch now, as the one who worked 4 days and MC for another 4 days...hm....added pressure there....got to learn not be affected by what people says....glad at the end of the day, i released tt away! just need stay focus in what i needed and called to do in this one year.
so glad that i managed to talk more with some of the teachers there.
Rem at the hall, saw this girl with some mental problems. she's in the class that i had to relief for another colleague. something i need to learn to relate to her...at times, just dont know what to do. what shall i say....but glad there are teachers who helped me along, esp Valerie who just finished her training at NIE.
God, pray for this gal, that she will also touched by Your love somehow. Protect her as i know Jesus, You loved little children. :)

Back to 9th Aug
1) My nourishment comes from doing the will of God,who sent me and from finishing His work. John 4:34
2) John 4:39-42
Then they said to the woman:now we believe because we have heard Him ourselves, not just because of what you told us.
-Lord, let me experience Your voice that i will believe, coz i heard from You myself and not just what others tell me about You....
-Desert. Far fetched lands around. where is that direction? the cloud above continues to shelter and to protect and to guide. The cloud=Word of God. Let the WOG be the guiding light to where You will bring. ( SQ's sharing during shepherding)

Meet up with Kim, had a good time praying together with her at my place.
Thank God for Your Presence ever so there for us.
What a heart kim has when she prayed for her people. :)

Went to meet up with the rest at SK cold storage.
Happen to mt Pat and Ps Law on the way....hee, so glad to see them. as who they really are. so nice to see them going out together for grocery shopping at supermarket. it's...prob tt's the kind of life i would like to have.....hm....:) they are great leaders! rem pat saw me after one of the seminars, and even offered to send me back home. it was a good talk with her, knowing about each of our lives. Thank God for her.

Slowly but surely, the rest turn up...:P
jiawei- the ever faithful guy. first saw him.
then...li siong, henry, rachel, yi cheng, shiming, mingzhu, rui zhi, dennis, shuwei, vincent....
Guangrong, kim at my place. So surprise to see Cryst! :0
they just came back from thai mission trip ( Cryst / JingYu / Poy)
Then june, bernard, poy,lee, sandy, jodie, johanes....
so very happy that there are so many of them in my house. and i can do my bit by providing the place for God's people and His purpose....shall pray that one day, it will be a CG venue! Yeah.
That kind, the rooms can be discussion groups, the living room can be fellowship time after CG for eating and chatting. can have Praise and worship in the living room too. hee...then the people in the neighbourhood are also drawn to the "noise" we make....Haha.

Thank God for mingzhu, rachel- even the birthday gal had to cook for us, hee opps! and shiming.
What a good meal! always like the traditional kind one...some more very healthy huh, soup and vegetables....missed the "golden pillows" only...hee.
Poy as usual the "add one hand" , washing dishes. mum say he got the same washing pattern as her, so she's very happy. haha. ( u know, most mothers dun really like people "messing up" her terrritory lo)
Yi cheng- the orange squash mixer. ops....add sugar water. got a little "secret" there huh...hope they dun all infected. :P shall wait and see.
Dennis- the tomatoes. not too bad, improved from the last vegetables endeavour.
Vinc the "pretender" cooker, wanting to act like a cook. hee. still trying to add salt...
Jia Wei, the smily by- stander who "commands" the event while Shiming cooks.
Li siong- the carrot cutter who's too shy to be caught in the photos!
Rui Zhi- watermelon I/C who just gets better with more practices.
Kim- the supervisor for RZ.
( above, are just purely my opinions, dun take offense. ) haha ...:)

May our days together as a family be ever drawn closer with much genuineness and openness, truly that we learn to LOVE as Jesus LOVE, accepting one another's "pattern", way of lifestyle, seeing the good in others, pointing out the weaknesses in others so that we may grow in character....so much we can learn from one another as we enjoy through only this one life we have together.

Thank You God.
For Your amazing LOVE to me.
i want to Expand my capacity to LOVE more people, by Your strength and grace.
To see You and walking with You.

10th Aug
no WORK< NO SCH! yeah!
going out with my mum....shopping.

Would there be a day when i can understand what it means to lose a spouse?
the lonely path to move on in life when the other part of the convenanted rings is separated?
Just a thought.....
:)

a thought dropped...

its was this "one year qtn" that i wld be always asking.

started teaching on the 27th Jul.
crazy 3 days...things are almost as if i am new student there...
like a new kid...missed one of the class also because i got the wrong class schedule, what a silly mistake.

got two Pri 4 classes, and 1 Pri 5 class and a Pri 6 art class.
Yes, additional to the contract terms, but art shall be interesting bah....
what can we do for creativity?! hee...

cant remember their names for now, but i shall give myself some time to remember...
for now, after 4 dys , i can rem a few "naughty ones" ....

could not go school since tues.
on MC for 4dys...haiz....
somehow what's going on....
in my heart, i actually missed going school.
prob also partly due to the reason that i have my responsibilty there to finish up the chpts for the 2 Pri 4 classes since they are sup to have topical test in 2 weeks times!
oh no...
poor kids, they just changed chinese teacher, now they missed 4 dys of lessons, and they got to get ready for topical test....:(

was at meeting with the coreteam, ( GR / Cryst/ PK / Den / Kim)
somehow , before the meeting, a thought dropped.
"maybe that's God answer to my one year qtn...."
is it? wld it? somehow i knew i would like teaching, wld it be something i wld ultimately need to forgo because of the things You told me before? KIV. until You say so.

anyway, God, You always guide step by step, so shall my steps be too!
listened to a wonderful song today:

Be the centre
Jesus, be the centre
be my source, be my my light, Jesus
Jesus be my centre
Be my hope be my song, Jesus

Be the fire in my heart
be the wind in these sails
be the reason that i live
Jesus, Jesus

Jesus, be my vision
Be my path, be my guide, Jesus

Thank You, for You are going to heal me!
now i treasure my voice,
ever thankful that You gave me a voice,
coz there are many who cant speak
not by their choice.
precious are the voices YOu gave
the voice to sing praise and worship
the voice to share Your word
the voice to say things which i shld be saying
the voice to tell of Your good deeds!
let us all be slow to speak and quick to listen
and when we speak, we speak with FAITH
with positiveness, with the authority Jesus gave
with the wonderous of YOur goodness
with much joy and love,
amen!
let me be someone to hear the unsaid voices of their hearts!
For there are many who chose not to voice out.
God, let me hear! By Your grace.

the soft whisper

300705 Sat
at the prayer meeting at fairfield methodhist Room303.
she's missing, should have been there,
because God gave a soft whisper.
i know its from Him to her.
God, whatever it is, You have shown yourself faithful.
coz i heard.

Vision:
a little boy on a long road....
the road ahead seems so long and far-fetched....
indeed, it is a long long way....
however, the vision zoom out, the boy is actually more than half way up the mountain.
he's in fact, nearing the mountain peak.
the destination of where he started out.
James 1:12
God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

Cryst, Guangrong and myself came together to pray for the unit, everyone of them.
God, now i see and i really felt Your heart.
that day, somehow i experienced the hurt and deep love of Your heart for them.
it has been very long since the last of prayers of tears.
God, i heard Your soft whisper.
Let Your will be done.
Let our hearts be ever drawn closer to Your heart!

310705 Sun
in the morning....
a song came to my mind, was humming it....
was telling mingzhu that i was puzzled why i keep humming the song....
And during the service, at the end of it, the SONG was played!
"You chose me."
Lord i give my heart
Lord i give my life
in all that i say
everything that i do
i am Yours

Lord you'r all i need
everything i dream
my hopes and desires
i found them in You
You are the reason i live

Cause You chose me You called me by name
From the moment that You tocuhed my life
i have been changed
You found me and set me apart
Now i'm reaching for my destiny
the future You have planned for me

Today is the day of breakthrough!
took the steps to drop it into the pledge box.
God, pray that You will guide me to fulfill this pledge!
its possible because its' humanly impossible to be done.
It will have to be done by Your grace.
Amen.

*a soft whisper from my heart
( not His)
Lord, i enjoyed the time.
Yet, i know its not Your time.
so i shall wait.
because Your soft whisper means more than anything else.
More than the loud voices i hear from people
More than even the soft whispers in my "own self"

1 Aug 05

Should have not strained my voice today!
shouting and asking the students to keep quiet etc...
and at the end of day,
no voice!

2 Aug 05
MC, spend whole day marking books! haiz...
probably the day i tried every means to get back my voice! honey which kim specially brought to my house on Mon, while i was at my Hope sem Exams...so touched by her act of love!
the medication which i got from the doc, visitng the clinic at ard1030pm on Mon....really desperate already. haha.
mum's special remedy from Chinese medication....
God, pray for healing!
Felt handicapped without my voice ya! :P

its now about 2 months...
Somehow this date will always strike something in my heart.
its hard to miss a person like this.
the feelings of the loss is still there.
the absence can still be felt.
there's still something i havnt done, it'll be one of the breakthroughs i want to work towards this year!
God, show me Your ways....